Spiraling

First 2 weeks of March

These past few weeks have been the hardest. I had my first mental breakdown, it was real, it was sudden, it was raw. It shattered my soul in a different way. No I am not scared. No I am not leaving. No, I am not giving up on this beautiful country, I chose to call home. For the past couple of weeks I have been waking up with so many emails, texts, DM’s and calls regarding the situation that has now spreading globally.

“Is Italy on lockdown?”, “How’s the virus there?”, “Aren’t you afraid?”, “Aren’t you coming home?”, “Aren’t you or your parents worried?”. First off, thank you for your concern; I highly appreciate it. Secondly, I am fine and healthy. Thirdly, do I even know you?

These are the first three responses that pop into my head whenever I see a notification on my phone. I was on FaceTime with my mom a couple of days ago and my phone kept on blowing up as I was trying to keep calm for my moms well-being. Until I snapped. An individual whom I haven’t seem nor talked to for years, thought it was a good idea to ask me “is Italy on lockdown” via Instagram. followed by screenshots from other individuals about my homeschool closing and going fully remote for the rest of the semester, asking me about it. How the hell am I supposed to know, if I am a sea away from home.

Let me take you back to when before all the spiraling of unfortunate events started to really blow up. March 11th, before it all happened. My roommate and I decided to enjoy our day and walk around town before it went completely ghost mode. We enjoyed the hot temperature that we have been waiting since we arrived in Florence, and let me tell you, it was so refreshing. We walked so much we ended up walking on the border between Florence and Fiesole (a neighboring town). The sun was out, kids riding their bikes, and lovers enjoying their picnics while sunbathing. It was magical. There and then at the Orti Del Parnaso, timed stoped. I was breathing, fresh air. Fresh thoughts, not scared, but rather inspired. The love I have for this city, truly cant put into words. This park is so special to me now, it reminds me of back home in Chihuahua, when my mom would take me to “la deportiva” (one of the cities biggest parks) and I would just be mesmerized by nature and all the surroundings. I think that’s why I love Florence so much, because in an alternative universe, it’s just like home. I like to think that in a past life, I was a true local to this town. The way I am drawn to these streets and this culture, it’s almost like a fictional movie, made up.

I feel zhen when I am here, in the middle of global chaos. Getting news that there’s a travel ban and not being worried about it speaks volumes. The way I am taking the situation, many of my close friends label it as “lightly”, I label it as living day by day and not entering that panic mode that every social media platform is portraying and humankind is caving in to it. It saddens my heart, how easily people are manipulated. I am scared, not for myself. I am scared for humankind and how greedy they are reacting. Instead of caving into fear, let’s be proactive. Let’s start by being kind, being clean and being mindful when going into supermarkets. Let’s start by taking care of the most vulnerable in times like these. The elderly and the young. Let’s prioritize that family and health comes first, and that others share the same values. Let’s start by being proactive in a chaotic scenario.

I will keep you guys posted, but for now ciao! Little latin girl needs to unplugged from the internet for a couple days while being in quarantine.